May 13, 2007

It would have been nice to have parents...

Sometimes I think it would have been very nice to have had parents. I mean other than DNA contributors. I’m not being whiny or bitter here - little late for that - but I just wonder what it would have been like to have parents.

Have I watched too many TV shows? I loved my father, make no mistake about that, and certainly I was a “daddy’s girl” but you know my father never really “parented” - he was never involved in my life, I don’t think he ever knew who or what I was. He taught me much - practical things like how to pay bills, write checks, balance a check book. He took me took every museum in NYC; was adamant that I speak English correctly - all good and useful things to be sure but he never asked me who I was, or who I wanted to be. Do parents do that? Are they supposed to? I honest to god don’t know.

The female DNA contributor was another whole ugly story - I still haven’t figured out how to deal with her - Do I feel sorry for her? She was obviously a very, very troubled person. All the stories she told about HER abused childhood turned out to be false - was that her way of coping with what she did not understand? Did she not understand (no of course she didn’t) that she was emotionally disturbed? Did she have some inkling that her relationship with the world was not quite right? Were the stories (ok - lies) told to justify her actions? Too many questions for which there are no answers, and yet I can’t stop myself from constantly asking them -

I think it might have been nice to have parents and a family…