Jul 31, 2011

Things to remember...

1. Never say YES when you truly, deeply and adamantly mean NO, just because you want someone to like you, or not dislike you; or because you just want them to shut up. Or because no matter how often or how loud you ARE saying No, you realize no one is listening.

2. Never put someone’s wants ahead of your needs. There is a difference between want and need. Know what that is and act accordingly. Take what you need because no one is going to give it to you.

3. Do not play the woulda-coulda-shoulda game. You will lose. Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda will drag you to the edge of the mountain and throw you off, laughing as you crash on the rocks of regret.

4. Remember that “women need men like fish need bicycles”. Or to quote myself “I love men. I never want to be without one. They make great pets.” You've got two feet - stand on them. You can buy your own flowers. You might want but you don't need

5. Your family are the people who love you, no matter what; who put out a hand when you wobble and lift you up when you fall. These people do not necessarily share your DNA. If the people who share your DNA don’t do these things then they are NOT your family and deserve no consideration.

6. People will not love you the way you need to be loved but rather the way they need to love you. Accept it and do not expect any more. Do not ask why.

7. Trust no one. Human nature is such that when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, self-survival trumps all. They may not mean any harm but if it’s you or them, guess who wins. Altruism does not exist in humans – the seeming self-sacrifice is driven by ego.

8. There is no fine print on your birth certificate. It did not come with guarantees or entitlements. Don't expect any or ask for any.

9.  Despite what may have been done to you when you were too young to understand, fight back or take charge, at some point, if you are lucky, you do grow old enough to understand, fight back, take charge. Your life becomes your own - so own it.

Despite what seems like cynicism but really are lessons learned, I also believe I am never alone or unprotected or have ever been unloved…





Jul 14, 2011

So what do you wanna be when you grow up?

When I was in first or second grade we wrote our autobiographies. I guess they figured our limited vocabularies and writing skills were about equal to the number of years we had been alive. I remember two things about my autobiography - it's red cover and my answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

My answer? A dancer, a pianist and a Duchess.

The first two make perfect sense, if you knew me then, and even if you know me now - But a duchess?. I have no idea where that came from, most little girls want to be princesses, right? Not me, it seems - I wanted to be a Duchess. This fascinates me. It makes me laugh.

As I got older I had other career goals, some practical, some not - a teacher, a minister, a lab tech, a theater director, a teacher (again), a hot shot lady executive, a minister (again), a therapist - and always a writer! Time went by and suddenly I was 40 and all I wanted to do was make enough money to cover the rent.

But deep down in my heart of hearts what I have always wanted to be... is a singer. Even more than a dancer. Even more than a musician. Because singers dance and play, if I could sing I could have it all, and be it all.

And not just a singer in a rock and roll band - I want to sing everything! Show tunes, cabaret, Delta blues, gospel, R&B, shit-kicking rock and roll, Latin - I want to sing in French and Italian and be able to whip out an aria here and there...If it is music I want to be able to sing it.

I want to wear elegant gowns - and thigh-high leather boots. I want to be Peggy Lee and Janis Joplin and Stevie Nicks and Pat Benatar and Judy Garland. I want to be Billie Holiday and Tina Turner and Edith Piaf.

I just wanna sing...