Apr 8, 2012

I'll hold you in my prayers...

I say that to people. Sometimes I'll say "I'll hold you in my good thoughts". I don't know why I make that differentiation. They are the same to me.

When I am reaching out to the Universe, chatting about what is going on with me - what is troubling me - what I need help understanding - I will mention the people I know who are struggling with something. And that's what I mean when I say "I will hold you in my prayers".

That's kind of vague isn't it? It doesn't seem so to me because I know what I'm talking about; know what I feel, and know what I believe.

I use the word "Universe" because, for some reason, there has to be a word, a name. I don't need a word - I don't need a name. Or a building. Or a set of tenents or rules and regulations. I don't need a mythology. I don't need rites or rituals.

I don't know why I don't need those things. I know I believe, because I have no choice but to believe, that I am part of something. A circle; that there is a guardian spirit - a guardian intelligence - a collective consciousness...Words are inadequate to describe what I feel and what I believe. I don't need to personify it because - well, that would be inadequate and unnecessary.

I puzzle over this often. I have puzzled over this since I was a child. But it always comes back to something innate; something that is a part of me; an essential component of who and what I am.

Conventional religions never made sense to me, even as a child. All smoke and mirrors. So many contradictions. So many questions, no answers. So many absurdities. But I knew, even as a child, that there was more than just me, or you. And that I was part and parcel of that more.

Knowing that - knowing that I had come from it and would return to it...just makes me feel light. And warm. And protected. And sometimes joyous. It makes me feel powerful. And centered. And helps me feel less scared when I remember to stop and experience it. But it's not a person or anything like a person. It doesn't have a name.

I think about what I believe, feel, have faith in, a lot. I've tried not to. Tried not to believe, feel, have faith - never works. Like I said, I can't not believe.

I'm going to assume that people who follow codified belief systems feel the same way about their beliefs as I do about mine.

I should have some summary here, a wrapping up of a point or observation but I don't. This is my on-going conversation with myself about this. I like this conversation, I have it often...each time I become even more deeper into my beliefs. It's just there.

It's lovely.